It's March! That means that I am participating in the Slice of Life Story Challenge. I am happy to co-host this event with the team at Two Writing Teachers. Everyone is welcome!
My husband has been painting the basement, and I say this with the utmost appreciation. That being said, when I went downstairs to see how it was going and do a workout, I looked down on the floor to see that he was using my yoga towel as a drop cloth. Really?
"That's my yoga mat," I said.
"No, it's mine," he said.
"Garth: it's my Downdog Studio yoga mat that Amy gave me when the first order of them came in," I said. "It's mine."
"Well, I'm using the back side of it," he said. "Not the front."
Really? I stared. Shook my head. Couldn't think of what else to say at that moment.
I've been reading and savoring Risk. Fail. Rise. by Colleen Cruz. While the title would have you believe that this book is for educators, there is so much in it that applies to all aspects of life. What do you do when you've made a mistake? There are several different types of mistakes. Ones that come from carelessness, ones that come from not caring. Ones that come from not knowing, and others that come from trying something new and taking a risk. Low stakes mistakes that Garth may argue the use of my yoga mat could be. And high stakes mistakes-- ones that may cost more money, well-being, pain, or harm. I have appreciated contemplating mistakes this way.
Additionally, woven into the fabric of my mothering is the chapter in The Last Lecture where Randy Pausch writes about the importance of knowing how to apologize correctly and with integrity. One of my daughters used to say sorry through her teeth with her eyes squinted; her words were an act of compliance without a shred of interest in reparation. Apologies should include more that words. They should also include ownership and acknowledgement of one's role in what happened, as well as how things will be made better.
"I guess it is yours," Garth said. "I'm sorry."
He can't replace it since Amy won't be ordering any more of them, and the truth is, I don't use it often.
"That's a Paul thing to do," I said, knowing he'd know exactly what I mean. Just last night, his brother, Paul, one of our closest friends and someone who will do ANYTHING for you, borrowed Garth's slippers and walked through the mud. REALLY? Things just don't matter to him.
Garth laughed. "You're right," he said, a rare combination of words in a potentially volatile situation.
I shook my head again and got on the bike.
At least he was painting the basement.
Happy Slicing,
Slice of domestic life! Love it. Great thoughts and told in a fun way. The dialogue between you and your husband moved things forward and set the table for your reflection. Fun and thought provoking. - TW
ReplyDeleteThis is the best. The whole thing. It made me laugh at the beginning [I know these scenarios all too well] to your Cruz + Pausch connections [oh how I adore a literary bridge], to the end, where you and Garth both model how these sorts of things in marriage should go. LOVE. XX
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this Slice from your life. As I read it, I thought about the many times I speak with my social work students about the need to both take and receive constructive criticism. I hope they're getting the message. Even though it's not the same as apologizing for some wrong, constructive criticism (giving or receiving) is fast becoming something of the past. I simply cannot tell you how many times I've met with a student who refused to take responsibility for their actions. I literally got every excuse under the sun, including "the dog ate my homework" in response. I'm wondering if my students are learning this behavior from some place other than at home. Thanks again for making me think about this!
ReplyDeleteLove this so much - so much in what was said and left unsaid. I love Colleen's book - I have been listening to it. I love hearing her voice. Is the other side still usable?
ReplyDeleteI wonder which of us used to apologize through our teeth... Very funny. I also immediately knew what you meant by a "Paul thing to do".
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