March is for daily slicing, and all are welcome! Join us at Two Writing Teachers!
Yesterday morning I read Sherri Spelic's post about planning her own funeral before I headed to Boston to help one of my best friend's work on planning her husband's. I kept thinking about that post as we tried to decide on food, flowers, music, readings, and all the other details that come with a death.
The funeral home sent a template for the service, and I had the task of trying to fill it out with selections and readers. I sat in the middle of her home on her computer as everyone else--- her three daughters, her husband's parents, our other two best friends, and some revolving other people-- took on other various tasks. (I'm not sure how they thought I'd be any good at planning at Catholic service since I am about everything except Catholic, but that's another story...)
"Anyone have a hymn they particularly want for the entrance," I asked. "Or how about one for the recessional?"
No one had an answer.
I started playing a few to see if any were definite no's or perhaps some possibilities.
Ave Maria: no
Be Not Afraid: no
On Angel's Wings: no
"He would hate this music," one of his daughters said.
"Why do we have to use this stuff anyway," another asked.
"He never even went to church."
They played a Green Day song, and his mother smiled. "That's more his style," she said.
Remembering the conversation we'd had in the car ride to Boston about the number of Bruce Springsteen concerts he'd attended, I googled Bruce Springsteen for funerals. Land of Hopes and Dreams wasn't quite what we were looking for, and we laughed when I played The Rising.
"I might take my first Communion if that song was playing," one of the visitors said.
We laughed more, and it felt good.
And then I played If I Fall Behind.
"That was our wedding song," Becky said. She sat down beside me, and her 21 year-old sat down in her lap. Together they cried, but when I offered to turn it off, they wanted the song to keep playing. We all just listened to Bruce sing that song.
As it turns out, the church won't allow the four Bruce songs we chose, so I'm expecting to hear the traditional hymns on Wednesday morning. That being said, the group of us who were in the family room all know what those songs should be instead. Those would be the songs Scott would have loved.
Sherri’s slice was something! Maybe it’s time to reenvision funerals? You’re a good friend. I could picture you all together, the 21 year old in her mom’s lap. I’m sorry they have to go through this. I’m glad you are there.
ReplyDeleteI can picture the scene with everyone sitting around and talking about the music and finding a moment to laugh among the sadness. It's sad to me that music that would have made Scott and his daughter's happy wasn't allowed. But, at least you'll all have that music in your head and think of him when you hear those lyrics in the future.
ReplyDeleteOh you've captured such a tender and real moment here. Your friend is lucky to have you with her wading through this unimaginable time.
ReplyDeleteI can’t remember a Jewish funeral that has had music, other than the chanting of prayers. I can’t even imagine needing to think about what music to play when you’re grieving. That said, I’m glad the conversation you had brought some laughs.
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for your friend and her kids. What a tragic loss.
So sorry you're going through this. Music definitely holds special memories. I'm sure if they hear this Bruce song play later on, they will smile and think of this memory you all shared. Thinking of you and this family.
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