Day #31 of 31: Thank you to so many!

Stacey, Tara, Dana, Betsy, Anna, and Beth of twowritingteachers.wordpress.com--you have done an incredible job of inspiring so many writers throughout this month! Thank you so much!

I can't remember if I struggled to think of what to write during the 2013 Challenge, but I have to say, this year, I never felt like I had a shortage of writing materials. Last year, I wrote several memoirs and vignettes about my dad. This year, I focused more on the here and now. I have had several highlights over the last 31 days that I will share:

• Writing about the here and now for 31 days has made me focus on the here and the now. I have spent my days paying close attention to conversations, events, learning opportunities, sensory details, and working hard to remember them. I have loved this heightened sense of awareness that daily writing has given me for the month of March.
• Sharing some of the daily events of life led to a community of people who knew where I was, and thereby an in-person meeting with Jaana, a fellow slicer. If you ever get to meet slicers in person, don't hesitate. We have much more in common with each other than just slicing for 31 days in a row!
• Reconnecting on an almost daily basis with bloggers I "met" last year. Even though I have continued to read weekly posts from Elsie, Linda, Tara, Catherine, Jaana, Stacey, and Alan, it feels different when I'm reading about their lives every day. I wish that I'd had more time to reconnect with others, and I will try to do better next year!
• Getting to know some of the new slicers whose blogs I checked and read every day. I was so excited when Loralee and Priscilla were highlighted for special posts that they wrote, and Kristine, Alyson, Beth, Meg, and Crystal were wonderful posters to follow and cheer on--hooray for all of you! Holly wasn't one of official new slicers, but I loved reading about her family all month long! I hope she keeps sharing farm adventures on a weekly basis! Some of my newbies fell off the slicing wagon, and I hope that they come back next year. 
• Partnering with my daughter, Larkin, who also came back to slice every day for a second year. I was so proud of her for making this commitment and sticking with it during March of her senior year in high school. It was fun for me to read her insights and highlights of her life for a month! I'm hoping that one of my other daughters will join me next year, as well as Larkin!
• Internalizing and reflecting about the writing tips and mentor posts that Stacey shared throughout the month. I loved working on repetition and patterns, conversations, perspectives, surprises, and words and their reactions.

I am so grateful for the support, encouragement, comments, compliments and sharing that has gone on in this community. The audience sense of mission, and  community spirit made this a powerful learning experience during a busy and stressful month. Writing and commenting have been tasks that I've looked forward to and that I know I will miss.

Here's to the 2015 SOLC!

Living Life Closely Through Daily Writing

Approaching the end of the 2014 SOLC, as it is Day 30 of 31. So happy to have been a part of this wonderful community hosted by twowritingteachers.wordpress.com.

I'm writing late tonight, as I have been in New York City for the weekend, and I've been struggling with the second-to-last-day syndrome. This has been a wonderful month of paying close attention to my life, and making decisions about what to share with the wider slicing world. 

While I made daily decisions about these shares, I have not shared my daily decisions with many of the people I see. My daughter, Larkin, has been writing for the month, and she and I share posts, but the rest of my family hasn't paid close attention--if I tell them about a post, then they go find it and read it, but mostly, it's been Mom's and Larkin's crazy writing thing. Most of my professional colleagues have been swamped enough with other issues and school priorities that they have not asked much about the March challenge when I've mentioned it, and I just haven't talked about it with friends.

Because I spent the entire two days with three women I love and writing has been so important to me all month, I found myself sharing about the experience and because we weren't working or paying attention to our children or multi-tasking--we were actually spending time sitting and paying attention to each other--they asked me questions about the March SOLC.

What I shared, and what I realized as a reflection of sharing, is how much more I notice when I am writing and reading other posts every day. Reading other posts has inspired me to think about daily experiences in different ways. I have found myself composing strings of words inside of my head, looking for signs of spring, studying people and wondering about them, even imagining the thoughts and lives of the animals around me. I collected more keepsakes, took more pictures, and listened more closely to the lives and stories within and around my world. Over the last thirty days, I have savored more, and then savored it again as I wrote, and then savored yet again as people commented.

My friends were impressed with the commitment and discipline that we have all had to our writing throughout the month. Thank you to all of you for the inspiration, encouragement, and writing friendship during my second challenge!

Until tomorrow!

Day #26: Look out World--Another Meehan Driver is on the Road

So grateful for the community of writers at twowritingteachers.wordpress.com. Happy Day #26!

It's been a long day, but a day of milestones. I just walked in to see my youngest daughter's new set of blue and green braces, having been at the DMV with my second daughter to get her driving permit.

Julia was far from pleasant before her driving permit test. Knowing her as I do, I know that when she is nervous, she is not her best self. I know, I know, not many people are, but some people are able to admit this and Julia is still working on this skill.

When her younger sister wanted a bite of the brownie I had just bought for her, she sneered.

"We got you your own cake pop," she said. "The brownie is mine."

"You could share both," I suggested.

She rolled her eyes and ignored me.

(She only ate half of the brownie and Cecily moved right in for the other half when Julia left the kitchen.)

When I told her that my bank statement would suffice as proof of her address, she argued.

"It has to be my name," she said. "I'm bringing one of the college brochures."

"Fine," I said. "Let's bring both."

(The DMV lady wanted my bank statement.)

When I called to her, asking her if she was ready, she snapped.

"I heard you," she yelled. "I just have to finish studying."

"You can keep looking over the questions in the car, but I'd rather be early," I said.

(We arrived 15 minutes early and they took us right in--yes, you read that correctly!)

Julia passed her test and was giddy, a state of being that rarely happens for this daughter! She took several selfies on the way home and gleefully put them up on instagram and whatever other social networks she is using to announce her news.

I got up all my courage and had her drive the mile of back road from the main road to our driveway. We have some serious work to do, but she does look cute sitting in that driver's seat.


Drive safely,

Day #25: Some Challenges of Motherhood

Happy to be part of the Slice of Life Challenge hosted by twowritingteachers.wordpress.com. Day #25!


Just when I think that I have this motherhood thing going along pretty well, someone serves me up a piece of humble pie.

I have asked my daughter, Julia, a few times about her application for a summer program and she has reassured me that she had it "under control." Until last night. Last night, that would be March 23rd, she informed me that the application had been due on March 21st.

"You're going to be mad, Mom," she had said.

I tried not to be as mad as I really wanted to be. Mostly, my madness was coming out of a place of disappointment for her. She had worked so hard on the essay and the program would have been so good for her. Oh, and, it is free to the selected students...it's a free hiking and leadership program through Colorado mountains. Oh well.

"I will email the lady tomorrow and see if I can still send in my application," Julia said.

I don't think so, but she can try.

This morning as I drove Julia and Clare to school, I brought up summer plans again. Julia flicked through her instagram pictures and barely responded to any of my questions or suggestions. My blood was heating up as I was spouting out life's greatest advice to her and she was more interested in selfies of peripheral friends.

 Note to self: do not try to engage daughter #2 in any kind of meaningful discussion before 9 in the morning.

Another note to self: make sure that anxiety is not getting the best of you. Anxiety leads to anger. Quickly.

And another reminder to self: your one little word for 2014 is kindness. Kindness. KINDNESS!!!

I did not manage to evoke any sort of summer plans for Julia in the 10 minute car ride, but I did avoid mother/daughter disaster by saying something along the lines of not being mad and just being interested in helping her figure out a great summer. It definitely helped to change the topic and analyze who is in the best position to win the family March Madness pool, since her bracket is in the best shape at this point.

Clare caught on and winked at me in the rear-view mirror.

I love those girls.

Day #23: Spring Showed up for the Day

Happy to be slicing with the community of twowritingteacher.wordpress.com!

There have been many posts about spring this year, maybe because it's been so elusive. Spring was here yesterday and here's how I enjoyed it:

• I wore flats without socks.
• My nephews were here as they headed home to Florida from their Vermont vacation. We had a snowball fight in t-shirts. We also took pictures on the bench. This will make you laugh: they wanted to know where all the trees were since they have only ever visited before during the summer and right now, the trees are bare.
• We took the dog on a long walk, avoiding the mud whenever possible, but enjoying watching him walking ahead of us with his tail held high.
• We grilled hamburgers for lunch and served them with fresh salad, chips, and pineapple. It was like a summer picnic.
• I took my car through the carwash and I didn't wince when I approached it in the parking lot later in the day.
• I cheered Garth on as he cleaned out the garage which has been full of winter silt, clutter, and general acquisitions.

Today, it is supposed to be cold again. We even have snow in the forecast for the middle of the week. One of these days, there's bound to me a more consistent welcome to the intrepid snowdrops and crocuses that have been peeking through.

I'm ready.

Happy Day #23,

Day #20: Thoughts on I'm Sorry

Today is Day #20 of the 2014 SOLC hosted by twowritingteachers.wordpress.com.

Several years ago, we were on vacation with another family and their seven-year old smacked their nine year-old, sending her sprawled out on the deck. There were tears, there was yelling, then there was the mandated apology. When it became clear to the smacker that she would not re-enter the group until two words came out of her mouth, she relented.

"I'm sorry," she growled, her eyes squinted, her forehead wrinkled, her head shaking side to side.

I don't think she meant it.

Today, after school, the children who stay after school for the extended day program were in line by the bathroom. I have no idea what had happened, but one of the boys was crying angry looking and sounding tears. Two other boys stood nearby with narrowed eyes and tucked chins.

"Just say you're sorry," the young woman who was apparently in charge was saying to the crying boy. "Then we can forget about it."

I've given a lot of thought to apologies over the years between Margaret's growl and this young man's situation. One of my favorite pieces about apologies is the chapter in The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. He offered a three step formula for apologies, consisting of I'm sorry, here's what I did, and here's how I will make it better. I love that apology formula for when a person really means it. But what if they don't?

A few years ago, I was embroiled is an issue with Julia and the rage was stoked even redder by her refusal to say sorry. "You actually are telling me to lie, Mom," Julia said.
Right in the moment, I was in no frame of mind to stop and reflect, but clearly, I've thought about this statement since. What if you say you're sorry but you're really not? Isn't that not telling the truth? How is that not a lie? She had a point.

I'm thinking that there are categories of apologies, although I am not sure how many there are, and I'm open to additional nominations.

1. The "I was made to say it" apology. Here's the one that they boy in the hallway might say and definitely the one that Margaret squeezed out. I do not think that the skills learned in this sort of circumstance transfer to any sort of positive interaction. In fact, I suspect that forced apologies lead to some really hostile behavior when those involved are unsupervised. My authenticity rating: 1

2. There's the "I need to get on with life" apology. This is the one that is given when a sister borrows a shirt without asking and the the affront is discovered during school hours. My authenticity rating: 3

3. The "It's easier to say sorry than to deal with the real issue" apology. Sometimes my husband doles these out, but he rarely gets away with it. He would rather say he's sorry than talk about the fact that he needed a lot of reminders to stop watching basketball and help in the kitchen. (I write this lovingly...)
My authenticity rating: 5

4. The "I just can't say sorry, but actions speak louder than words." There are a couple of specialists of this type under my roof. We have an unspoken agreement that sometimes these can count as the real thing. My authenticity rating: 9

5. The "My stomach hurts and my legs are wobbly and I might not sleep well because I know that I messed up and I feel really bad about it" apology. These are the ones that lead to the three part apology described by Randy Pausch. These apologies happen when someone's behavior has unwittingly caused serious hurt and I don't know that everyone really feels the sensation that I've described. Empathy is at the core of these interactions. My authenticity rating: 10

The bottom line is that I really don't believe in forced or fake apologies. I believe in teaching children of all ages the importance of taking responsibility for hurtful behavior, whether the hurt is physical or emotional. I believe in teaching children that when they say sorry and mean it, that statement can go a long way in repairing a situation. And, I believe in coaching children how to express a meaningful apology. But I don't believe in asking for, demanding, or mandating a vacant declaration of two words that is at best a pathway of least resistance and, at worst, is a lie and a potential pathway to more destructive behavior.

I will say that Margaret has grown into a really great young woman, although I can't attest to her apology skills. And, tonight, I'd guess that the crying boy in the hallway said sorry and eventually stopped crying. However, I doubt that he has forgotten about it.

Would welcome others' thoughts on "I'm sorry"!

Day #19: Happy Birthday to Julia

 Day 19 of the SOLC is my second daughter's sixteenth birthday. Today, my post celebrates Julia.

Tomorrow morning, I will tiptoe into the room that my two oldest daughters share and I will celebrate their breathing. Tomorrow morning, Julia, my second daughter is 16. Sixteen. I will wait to kiss her, to wake her up with a quiet humming of happy birthday. She doesn't like kisses these days, but she tolerates them because she knows that I still can't resist. She denounced the presentation of a breakfast sandwich with a birthday candle in it, so tomorrow morning, I will just watch her breathe in and breathe out and I will celebrate that someone, something, somehow blessed me with her.

Sixteen--I remember her legs, layers of legs that were irresistible and I remember the focus-- oh the focus..."I do...No...Mommy no do..."

When we tell stories of Julia, we always head for the trouble she could find. One time I turned around to do the dishes and there was Julia in the middle of the kitchen table about to turn my vase of fresh peonies upside down.  Noooo, Julia. "Big mess, Mommy?" she said. And then she laughed until she screamed when I hauled her off of that table.

Julia had a trail  of trouble. She  started in the bathroom, fascinated with the spinning roll of toilet paper and intent on flushing anything she could. She learned quickly to hold down the lever and watch the swirling water, then laugh when I'd run in. Laugh until I scooped her up and placed her on the other side of the safety gate, away from me, away from the bathroom and the kitchen table with the fluffy flowers. 

As I plunged and used my best plumbing prowess, Julia was on the way to the open dishwasher. Imagine the treasures available to a curious toddler climbing in

When Julia was one, she walked on legs that were irresistible to pinching, tickling, squeezing, and kissing. She belly laughed when I made fizzing noises on her belly, and she followed big sister Larkin wherever and whenever she could.

When she was two, she had mastered the art of pole-vaulting out of her crib. If the safety gate was too low, she climbed over that too. If it was too high, she would try to crawl under it, sometimes getting stuck in the process and bellowing until I ran to rescue her. She knew what she wanted and she knew to bang her head on the floor until she got it. "She's gifted," the doctor told me because she perfected the art of the tantrum so early. Before leaving her in her crib, we turned her diaper backwards and wrapped duct tape around it, put on a onesie and a zipped and snapped set of footie pajamas. "Keep your clothes on," we'd say, but she always, like Houdini, got out of what we put on her and would fall asleep with nothing on until a wet mattress woke us all up.

By three, she mastered all aspects of the bathroom--flushed what she was supposed to flush, emptied when she had to empty. She rocked and entertained and protected her younger sisters--first Clare and then Cecily. Although she was never my talker--yes, she still remains an inward soul, we knew when Julia was happy and we knew when Julia was sad. We knew when Julia was celebrating and we really knew when she was angry. My mother used to say, "When Julia's happy, we're all happy." There was truth to that. 

Julia's focus has served her well. She was an early reader. I remain friends with her third-grade teacher who still tells the story of how I said nothing to her about Julia's prowess. "I knew that you'd figure it out," I told her. "And if I told you that her favorite book of the summer had been Black Beauty, you would have assumed the abridged version." Her teacher adored her and remains today Julia's favorite teacher thus far. Why? She respected, acknowledged, challenged and honored her. Julia's accomplishments then and now have not come from innate intelligence as much as they have emerged from hard work, from a drive and focus that I take no credit for, and from an appreciation for and commitment to hard work and high quality.

Today she is 16. Sixteen. She has goals and hopes

and dreams that go far beyond getting her driving permit tomorrow. She was my toddler with a trail of trouble, my 8 year-old with a teacher who inspired her, and a young woman with dreams that will propel her into making the world a different and better place. It is my honor to know her.