It's Tuesday, and Tuesdays are for slicing. Anyone is welcome to join us through Two Writing Teachers, slicing, sharing, and commenting on other slices!
For four seasons, I was a college soccer mom. I think I made pumpkin cake for every game but one, and my fall weekends were structured around the geography and timing of the games.
Although Julia, our graduated soccer player, could not make the home opener, Garth and I headed there to cheer. For the most part, people were happy to see us, even though I did not show up with pumpkin cake. (I did offer the recipe to anyone who wanted it, but didn't get any takers.) Despite all of the welcoming howdys and how-are-yous, the what-are-you-doing-heres were the stickier comments.
Haven't you spent enough years here? one parent asked.
I stared at him until he seemed a couple inches shorter before responding that it was good to see him, as well. (He apologized.)
But the zinger was from one of Julia's good friend's mom. When someone behind me wanted to know who another team was playing, I knew the answer, and I stated it.
You need to get a life beyond NESCAC soccer, she said.
That comment has stayed with me, even though I KNOW I have a lot of life beyond NESCAC soccer. I still check scores and know who the weekly players of the week are, but I've done it almost surreptitiously and self-consciously, feeling that maybe I'm not developing my own life enough. (Even though I know I am.)
This past weekend, we headed to the game, this time with Julia who is home for a week. Again, people were welcoming and, although it's weird to be involved but not involved, we were excited to be there.
This time, the same aforementioned mom pulled me aside to say how much they miss Julia. And she asked about my books. And my blog. And my podcast....
And yet-- that zinger from several weeks ago stays sharp in my mind, and I wonder about the students I touch both literally and figuratively. Why am I so much more attuned to the hurtful comments that come my way that I am to the encouraging ones and kindness? I don't think I'm alone in this tendency.
Happy Slicing,
I am not a model citizen when it comes to "letting go" of comments like these. They just sting. And then they stick (because I let them). I hope you can toss this away in the container of "Oh boy, people say the dumbest things." "Says more about them than you..." I've been told. Maybe so.
ReplyDeleteIt's true...the zingers last a LONG time. Maybe because of the emotion attached when they are delivered.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a thought provoking slice. I could feel the sting from those unwitting comments. I appreciate how you were reflective enough to bring it back to the classroom and to how we might unwittingly be delivering zingers of our own. The power of words can not be exaggerated. Thanks for that reminder. I hope you keep finding the joy in those soccer games.
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