Throughout the month of March, I am participating in the annual Slice of Life Story Challenge, and even hosted by the team at Two Writing Teachers. Every day in March, I will share a story and comment on the stories of other participants. Please join us in writing, sharing, reading, and commenting!
Many of you have caught on to the fact that there's been a lot of healing going on in the Meehan household so far this year-- somewhat planned and the rationale for my 2025 One Little Word being heal.
It's been tricky for me, Larkin, or Clare to not have a reference to my knee in our posts so far this month. Maybe part of the healing will be posts that don't involve this new joint.
One of the slices I'd written back in February involved Larkin and her healing process. She was on the sofa, and she was supposed to be on the sofa. Fortunately for her, the family room opens to the kitchen, so it's pretty easy to put in your requests from your place in the pillows.
"I'd really like a glass of wine," Larkin said.
“Absolutely!” I replied. I'm guessing I was pretty ready for one as well.
I went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white. I dug out the wine opener and opened it. I got two matching glasses from the cabinet. And I poured the wine, all while Larkin was sitting on the sofa.
I delivered them. And she thanked me. But she didn’t say thank you right away, which was unlike her. For just a second, a second longer than was normal, quiet hovered between us.
“I really wanted red,” she said, her chin tucked, a slight smile and a tipped brow.
We both laughed. Red it was. Her glass of white wine went back into the fridge for me for later, and within a minute, she had her red and I had my white.
As a fellow coach-sitter, I now understand and appreciate even more the fragile balance of asking for what you really want and being demanding. My mother was over yesterday, and one of her comments was about how good I've gotten at making requests. Yes, it's a bit of an art. Before you HAVE to sit on the sofa, it’s easy to think: wouldn’t it be nice if someone would bring me a glass of water? Couldn’t someone bring me my coffee? Why is it that no one EVER serves ME?!?! And then, when you’re stuck, and all that you can do is request nicely and receive politely, it doesn’t feel so great. You want the power to get your own water, to have it be the right temperature, in a specific glass with a certain number of ice cubes…
So Larkin, much respect for you for requesting that wine you wanted. And I'll continue to ask for what I need with love and appreciation. Hopefully, not for too much longer, though.
Melanie, first: I love that "heal" is your OLW. It is a word I cling to. It encompasses so much. It's a marvel how our bodies can heal. Sometimes our broken spirits need healing...which is much harder. I believe we have the capacity as humans to care for and bring healing to one another in many ways - this is one of the reasons our stories have such power, and why sharing them is so important. Which brings me to the scene you've captured here, with Larkin speaking up for what she wanted. It seems such a basic thing, doesn''t it, to just ask for what we want? There are countless reasons why we don't - fear of being too demanding, maybe fear of being misjudged, etc. Yet, as you point out so well, when we turn the unexpressed want inward, it can fester there in our thoughts.That does not help the relationship. Speaking up as Larkin did, simply and thoughtfully, to say "I wanted..." is healthy. Just one more example of the power of voice! Your response is also powerful - as is understanding the "art of requests." I am taking note :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. I forget to sign in before hitting "publish" - the comment above is from me :)
DeleteYes, we have to ask if we want something. I sometime tease my husband by saying that telepathy is beyond me :)
ReplyDeleteYou’ve raised independent women by being a model. You capture the trickiness of having to rely on others- even those you love and love you in return. Here’s to healing and getting closer and closer to being able to get your own glass of water soon enough! ❤️Jess
ReplyDeleteMelanie,
ReplyDeleteYes to the idea requesting is an art. I love the subtlety in the communication you share w/ Larkin. Of course, there’s reciprocity here, which keeps a balance present, balance that suggests “if you serve me now, I’ll serve you soon.” In my home my husband is the one who serves most. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, but I know doing things for me is one way he stays vibrant and useful. For perspective, he’s 77.
Ahhh, the graciousness of asking. You're right in that it's easy to think about being waited on but when it's necessary, it's very hard to accept. Did you have a knee replacement? I ask because I think I'm getting close to that decision. :/
ReplyDeleteIt is so important to learn to ask for what you want. What would be the OLW for that… i might need it. ;) I love reading the layers in this - you as the care-taker, you as the one who needs care.
ReplyDeleteI knew you wanted to get me what I wanted! It's a lot easier to speak up for yourself and say what you want when you know the people around you want you to be happy :)
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